Trust + Cooperation

So, let’s look at Rog’s and mine first dream “...the peace of full two-way trust and cooperation with everyone in our lives.”

This dream came about as the result of us looking at our relationships past and current, individually and as a couple.

That’s all fine and dandy, but the very first relationship to look at in this way is the one between you and the one you’ve chosen to be your spouse. Does the bride trust her groom? Does the groom trust his bride?

Trust is defined as “the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; one in which confidence is placed.” [www.merriam-webster.com]

Because of who Rog is, I trust him, so when we talk, I feel I’m being heard, respected, and loved. Herein lies peace. This trust has and continues to deepen over time and provides hope that all my relationships can carry this trust and hence, this peace.

What about cooperation? I’m talking about working as a team, giving and taking, discussing each partner’s ideas and feelings with the mutual benefit of the coupleship in mind. What better experience to employ cooperation and teamwork than in planning a wedding, your wedding, both of yours! This day is not just the bride’s day (contrary to what you usually hear). Two people are making a commitment on this occasion and to have a joyful, love-filled time. When both of you share in the work, the fun, the meaning of it all, you are laying a foundation for your marriage. You are discovering one another’s strengths, fears, passions, and building teamwork along the way. There is peace here too.

Two-way trust + cooperation = peace. Starting with our coupleship and moving into all of our relationships.

Couple Dreaming

When we were planning our wedding, we created a vision, a dream, of what we wanted our event to be like, knowing that it would also serve as a foundation for our marriage.

It is now more than three joyful years later, and Rog and I recently created our vision, our dream of what we want our world to be like.

“We impose our dream into the world with absolute certainty.

“We dream...

... the peace of full two-way trust and cooperation with everyone in our lives.

... nurturing and inspiration from the love in our personal relationships.

... abundant resources always circulate through us under grace in a perfect way.

... we are consciously swimming in God always.

... we each function as a perfect, unified whole.

... we manifest our heart’s desire, which is our highest and best good, instantly.

... our love impacts others in powerful ways.

... we clear weight of obligations of the past.

... we live lightly.”

Pretty awesome.

But even more awesome is that every morning at 6:30am you’ll find us sipping coffee in our cozy living room, affirming our dream together out loud and then, through intuition, choosing one aspect of our couple dream to ruminate on and talk about.

It’s a lot of fun, but more importantly, we draw closer and closer to one another and to Spirit, and deeper and deeper into being who we truly are, individually as well as a couple. By bringing to and keeping this dream in our consciousness, we are creating it, day by day.

What’s your couple dream?

Whoosh, A Year Just Went By

I’m sure a lot happened in the past year – it must have if not even one blog got written!

It’s a good time to get rolling again – tomorrow is our third wedding anniversary!

As I sit here at the computer, I look often at our wedding picture on my desk. We both look pretty much the same, although you won’t catch us wearing those funny costumes.

But looks are often deceiving. Even physically we’re not the same. We’ve replaced all of our individual cells with new ones, some of which have changed color and shifted around a bit.

We’ve had a wonderful year together. We survived winding down a business, recovered financially, and invented a positive future together. We’ve made a lot of terrific new friends. Two family members moved nearby.

Most importantly, our relationship has deepened. More and more each day I appreciate the important part Joyce plays in my life – supporting me through the ups and downs – always there for me – listening, reflecting, offering her wisdom and insight. Allowing me to be there for her. What a blessing!

When each day brings a new adventure, a year can go by in the blink of an eye. But we take time each day to express the love, appreciation, and respect we feel for each other, through our words, our deeds, and our hugs.

Happy anniversary, honey!

Friends

We recently fielded a last-minute request to serve as officiates at a local wedding. During the course of the conversation, it came out that the caller was not the bride, but rather a friend of the bride.

It’s not unusual for us to receive last-minute calls. People do make last-minute decisions to marry and ministers do sometimes cancel. We’ve never had the call come from anyone other than the bride or groom however.

It turns out that the friend is hosting the wedding at her house. Nice, huh? Most of the wedding party is from “back east,” and she thought it would be more fun for them to come to sunny Arizona for the wedding. She made that affordable by sharing her home.

But wait. Later in the conversation, we found out she is eight months pregnant!

Is she nuts, or is she the kind of friend we each would enjoy having?

Better question: are we this kind of friend?

I love thinking about how this friend will affect the upcoming wedding. She’s thinking she would like to become a wedding planner. I think she’s going to be a great one!

She’s already a great friend!

A Message to Parents

Your kids don’t get it.

Yes, we know they’re floating around in the clouds now that they’re engaged and the stage has been set for them to live happily ever after.

Yes, we know they’re too busy to think, between working, planning, and living the life.

Yes, we know they’re being bombarded by pitches from wedding vendors and advice from their goofy friends.

Yes, we know they’re worried about the future – their new home, their 2.6 kids, their dog, and their SUV.

But can’t they just take a minute to listen to us? What WE want?

We certainly could teach them a thing or two, which we would gladly do if it would save them some of the pain we went through. If only they’d listen. If only they’d do it our way. Some of us are paying for the wedding after all.

Well, here’s the message. You’re not helping.

That’s right, you heard me. You’re being your parents. Or your in-laws. Or your friends. You’re not any better at being parents of the bride or groom than you were at being the bride or groom.

How could you be? From reading a wedding planning book? Give me a break.

You want a joyful wedding and a joyful marriage for your kids. Who wouldn’t. You love them.

If you pause to think about it, that’s exactly what they want too – a joyful wedding and a joyful marriage.

So what’s the problem?

I’m going to let you figure that one out yourselves. But here’s a clue: How about engaging the kids in meaningful conversation about what a joyful wedding looks like for them? About what a joyful marriage looks like for them. Get beyond what flavor cake we’re having. Get to the vision. Get to what’s important.

Then ask yourself the same questions. And share those answers with the kids.

I’m pretty sure you’re going to be surprised by the results!

Not Just Another Party

February 26, 2007-
It’s just another one of twenty million benchmarks
In a sea of firsts, this one is a second
A click on that spinning wheel which never slows
Giving meaning to it isn’t difficult
It brings to mind a purple evening filled with joy
As we celebrated out intention to live as one
And gave official birth to the vision we live daily
A vision that fills me up with all that I cherish
Thank you for being my partner, companion, lover,
And soul mate

An Important Message

Recently a friend of ours, who practices natural healing, described his shock at learning that at least two-thirds of his patients did not want to get well.

After a while, he figured out the many benefits of sickness: lots of attention and sympathy, time off work, release from the expectations of others, freedom to choose when to participate – stuff like that.

On the one hand, this seems bizarre. On the other, it makes perfect sense.

I think it may explain why brides and grooms don’t seem interested in wedding coaching. After all, misery brings attention and sympathy. You may have to take time off work to get your wedding planning done. When you make a mistake, don’t look your best, or hurt someone’s feelings, they’ll understand because they know what you’re going through in the wedding vortex. If you don’t want to show up, you can just blame it on all of the many burdens of wedding planning.

You’ll probably never have this kind of opportunity again – until you end up in the hospital. But you’ll be wearing a different kind of gown then.

The price, however, could be your life. Not just in choosing sickness over health – but in choosing misery over joy. I’m not talking about your wedding, which can still be quite miserable; I’m talking about your marriage.

You see, when you get used to choosing misery instead of joy, you grow ever more attached to those things you get from your misery. Don’t fool yourself by thinking you’re going to turn it off on your honeymoon.

When we talk with wedding vendors about the coaching we do, the one comment they ALWAYS make is “Where were you when I got married??”